Day after day, I try to explain to my mother that my anxiety is not always the same. I may be able to do something one day but the next day I might be incapable of completing that simple task. Its taken a while for me to come to terms with the fact that it is not always the same. What is difficult is having my mother expect me to be able to do everything that I did yesterday, today.

I try desperately to talk to her about issues like this and the problem with her moving (“tidying”) my stuff. I need to be able to set something down and not have it be moved without me knowing. Every time I try to inform her of these things that she does, she makes a joke about it or changes the topic of the conversation. I try very hard to not make it seem like it is her fault but she is making that very difficult.

She holds me and my brother to very different standards than herself because she is our mother. I totally understand that but there are certain things that do not fall into that category. These are things like us wanting her to go to the store and buy treats because we are craving sweets and her giving us fruits and vegetables because we have not eaten enough healthy food, but when she craves sweets, she complains to us and ends up going to the store and buying chocolate and chips to eat for her supper.

She also does this when my brother or I want to have a lazy day and be on our computers but we have had “enough screen time” for the day so we all go downstairs and paint. My dad is painting, my brothers painting, I am painting, my mom is on facebook on her phone. I do not understand this at all, she also wants us to spend lots of time as a family which, again, I understand and agree with. The problem is that she says that we need to play at least two if not more games of a family board game every night. I would be fine if it was twice or three times a week, but every night gets tiring. There are so many other ways to spend time with each other than board games, I would not want to take board games away entirely because we do enjoy them quite a lot but it would not hurt to have a family bowling night, or a movie night at our house, or play Mario Kart on our WIIU.

I just wish my mom would listen to me, I mean she listens but I never feel like she actually understands how I’m feeling, no matter how many times I try to explain. I’m just always complaining, bugging her, being too lazy, not being helpful enough around the house, being too clingy or not independent enough.  Everything is always our fault, no matter what because she’s the mom and it’s never her fault.

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